You’re probably wondering what the meaning of the title of this blog post is about, and how outrageous I am for saying that! Let me explain.
P.S. If you are someone who feels very strongly about the tradition of gift-giving, this post may not be for you. Before you begin, let me just say that this is all purely my own views and that I’m not pushing it on anyone! Is it a mental health post? I suppose you can say that!
Oh, Christmas.
I love that everyone is home for the holidays and you get the sense of warmth and comfort that everything is just perfect. I used to take part in the gift giving and all that jazz.
As the years went by and I got older, relationships with family and friends changed. I started noticing it wasn’t just the simple concept of giving presents to your loved ones anymore. People who would never talk to you on any other occasion or basically have nothing to do with you suddenly act all friendly and become chatty with you around this time of year. They give someone a pair of gloves as a present and get resentful if they aren’t given anything back. Over the years, this holiday ends up becoming more of a worry and a mind game where I have to think if a certain person might give me something.
We’re not that close but will they get me something? Will they get mad if I didn’t give them anything? I should probably get them something just in case? But I don’t even know what they like?
This results in getting too hung over on making sure I hadn’t forgotten about anyone, and and that I would be able to give them something back or else someone’s feelings might get hurt.
Image taken from Unsplash – Kira auf der Heide
I’ve tried making my own presents for others, but it never really had the same weight as when you gave someone else a store-bought present- something with a bigger monetary value. It then turns into a competition and game of comparison, in which often those small handmade stuff are tossed aside first. Again, this is just my personal experience. It doesn’t happen for everyone but this is how I honestly felt.
Maybe it was always this way. Maybe it’s just some in my family and my so called “friends” back then that acted this way. It stressed me out when I didn’t have enough money to spend on presents for everyone I wanted to give gifts to. I hated when I could feel that someone was upset because they got me something but I didn’t /couldn’t give them anything. I hated the hypocrisy I was seeing. I don’t want to feel obliged to give a present just because someone else gave me one. My relatives are also quick to analyze and compare the monetary value of a gift. In other words, they are very scrutinizing, and somehow everyone knows everyone so there was no way I can escape if I didn’t get someone something.
I know you can’t possibly please everyone.
This whole process / tradition easily became too exhausting and I didn’t want to deal with that anymore.
Decisions, decisions
After careful consideration, I made a decision to stop giving gifts to anyone. This way, no one gets salty, my wallet isn’t sad anymore, and I no longer have to break down from all the stress. Don’t get me wrong, I still spend time with family. I still love listening to the music and looking at the pretty lights. I just prefer to give gifts to my friends and family on any occasion, not just because it’s a holiday and it’s the custom to do so. This way, they also know it’s a heartfelt present because I genuinely thought of them. I think it’s even better this way cause then they are REALLY surprised!
It’s been a few years since I made this decision. I feel much more liberated now that I’m not busy thinking and shopping for many people at once around this time of year. It FEELS like I’m saving a lot more money (though I’m honestly not sure)! Obviously I’m in the minority for feeling or doing this but all I can say is that my mental health has been better since then, and I think that’s really all I need to realize that this was the right choice for me!
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Excellent idea Geraldine otherwise it can get too stressful.
Thank you Marie! It seriously helped a lot
This is such an interesting perspective, and I totally totally feel you!!!! I usually just get gifts for my close family and close friends, which only ends up being 5/6 people loool. But this year I’m so broke I might just have to take this ‘not gifting’ method haha! I could totally relate to the mind games and comparisons, you described that so so well I could picture it in my head. I could feel the uneasiness from your experience!! It’s so true, at the end of the day it has to be about heartfelt feelings, not feeling forced to give! Love love love💕💕
Thank you so much Carina, I’m so glad it was clear, I worried it might’ve not! It’s so hard when you don’t have the money, it always makes me so sad!! Yes yes I definitely think no one should feel as though they NEED to buy people gifts, I think everyone would understand!! xx 😘✨🎁
My boyfriend and I rarely give each other gifts on any kind of holiday or birthday, we choose to spend the money on something important happening in our lives or something we can do together! I like it much better and totally get this ecause the pressure of gift giving is just too much.
Yes!!! I totally get that! My boyfriend and I both don’t really celebrate holidays in that matter, and we would rather save up for other things like you said! It becomes a chore if you’re automated all the time
This was really interesting to read, I so totally get what you mean, I’m always worrying that because I go for the cheaper gifts that my family and friends are going to think it’s rubbish – I actually said this to my dad the other day and we had a long chat about presents at Christmas. It was so different when I was a little kid, I remember being so happy to receive a wooden jigsaw or something like that but now everything is just technology and so expensive! I’m glad you have put your mental health first and stopped doing something that was making you feel worse!
Chloe xx
http://www.chloechats.com
Thank you so much Chloe! It was hard to deviate from the norm but it definitely doesn’t feel good when you deplete all your money at this time of year, or you are forced to give everyone cheap stuff! And you are so right, everything is so much more expensive, cause now all the “good” and “premium” stuff are made with more expensive material, ugh!! I definitely enjoyed the way it was back then, when everything was so simple and everyone was happy with the little things!
What an excellent way of coping through the holidays! I feel this way often as well! The stress gift giving brings is so sad, because it’s supposed to be such a joyous happy time! Excellent post!
Thank you Natasha!! It always makes me feel bad when I let people know I don’t do this because I am always usually looked down on … but I’d much rather give when I can / want to!
I’ve never really heard other people who do this but it was definitely an interesting read! I feel like December gets stressful because of the stress from buying presents/knowing who to buy gifts for/how much to spend on gifts. All the anxiety about gifts can overshadow the idea of cherishing and spending time with family/friends which is what Christmas is supposed to be about. I’m glad you found something that helps you feel better around this time of year! 🙂
Melissa // https://castlesandhurricanes.wordpress.com/
Hi Melissa! I definitely agree with that. I end up worrying so much that it takes away all the fun and excitement I had at first! I then deal with listening to people mutter or complain how they didn’t get anything or they didn’t get that camera they wanted!! Haha. I’m not made of money and I feel like some of my relatives think I’m a millionaire or something 🤣 Thank you so much for reading! xx
Okay, this makes total and complete sense!! I honestly can relate to the stress of HAVING to get someone a gift for Christmas. I do it because I love to but, like you, I can tell if they don’t really like it. I think your decision is great, and I fully support it. I may even convert to your ways one day! 😂
THANKS girl! I’m glad you got it 😃 It’s rough, many people have good poker faces LOL but then again there’ll be those who will make it known that they didn’t get their Michael Kohrs wallet or whatever 🙄 which is just as annoying! Sometimes your best is just not appreciated so BUHBYE presents! I welcome you to the stress free zone! 😂
I think your decision makes perfect sense. I like your reasons behind it too! Christmas has become very comercial/consumer and it should be more than that if you celebrate!
Thank you very much Evelyn 💕💕!! I agree, it’s become too commercialized and everyone wants the newest iPhone or Louis Vuitton and I just can’t do that, I can’t even give that to myself 😆
Everybody is so highly strong on gift giving and buying people expensive gifts and receiving them that it completely take away from what the holidays are actually about, like spending time with family and visiting relatives that you wouldn’t see very often and sharing stories from your childhood. I love this post, I might even follow your decision to not give gifts because it sounds so refreshing to not be stressed out about what’s gifts to get and who there for. Lovvvvve this girl. Amazing post 🧡
YES aww thank you so much! I’m so glad you like it! I definitely think it takes away from the other important matters because it gets so stressful!! Haha welcome to the stress free zone!! My wallet is happy too 😊
Really love this and I’m so happy you shared this with us! I totally get you with this, it can be so awkward when someone gets you a present but you didn’t get them one, not because you don’t like them or whatever but because you just didn’t expect them to get you one in the first place! I totally agree that its better to just give your family and friends presents at any time in the year, not because your expected to but because you want to! Love this xx
Thank you so much Molly! It gets so weird and then I feel totally bad cause I want to make everyone happy!! 😫 And then nobody gets surprised anymore during Christmas hehe 😋
Your decision makes perfect sense and if you’re happy as a result then that is what is most important in my opinion! I always do have a bit of a faff trying to deal with buying presents with people here there and everywhere it’s just you sort of have to have the awkward ‘let’s not do presents talk’ which never goes down well! Fab post! x
Thank you Chloe!! It’s chaos when you have so many people to buy presents for, you want to please as many people as you can! x
I completely understand why you don’t give gifts Geraldine. I only give gifts to super close family which is just 3 people and maybe something for my pets. I’ve never real felt like I had to give gifts to friends or other family members because I’m not super close to them.
That’s awesome!! I feel like I want to give to some others like coworkers but it gets muddy if I only want to give to some.. 😅 some people just feel so entitled that they need all the gifts! haha
I completely understand why you don’t buy gifts. I only buy gifts for close family which is only for 3 people and something for my pets. I don’t even consider buying gifts for friends or extended family because were not that close and I don’t expect them to buy me anything because of that. Even when I do buy gifts for close family we all try to stay in a spending limit, that and we don’t really want super expensive things.
This was a really interesting perspective. I can see your point though, I hate the expectation of having to give someone something even if you’d rather not. I think I’d find it strange not to give at all but I admire your decision. I think my wallet would like your approach! x
Sophie
http://www.glowsteady.co.uk
Thank you Sophie! It really did feel strange when I first made the decision to stop doing it altogether, but I got used to it after a while of not doing it! I just don’t want to be considered “unfair” or whatever else so I had to pull the plug! My wallet is def grateful 🙂
So let me ask, do you still receive gifts? Like how did the conversation go down when you were like I’m not giving gifts anymore..? Very curious!
I really love this idea! I am going through that stressful time of year where I am broke but have to get presents. And my family seems to have it together more (cause they do) so they buy more gifts or ask me if I want to go in on something for one sister that is WAY above my budget. And add in that both sisters have significant others that I have to shop for. It’s all so expensive!
And on the friend issue, I hate wondering if I am supposed to get someone something. But I have been way better about being up front and just saying “are we doing gifts? what’s our budget? do you wanna do a cute dinner instead?”
Great post! Definitely a #unpopularopinion and I love it!
Definitely asking up front is the best way but some people are just…let’s say complicated LOL! I get a gift or two from some people still but they knew my stance on it already!! I surprise them at other times cause I like that element of surprise HAHA but they are totally cool with it! The people who only stuck around me for my gifts (not to brag but I took pride in finding unique cool gifts for people!) are gone from ym life and never really talk to me or give me presents at any time of year. At all. Good riddance amirite?! It’s tough when you have a small budget and want / have to give to a lot of people!!!
I am totally with you on this! I don’t give many gifts maybe just to my husband and parents. I have a small budget and trying to buy for multiple people just isn’t possible. Besides, I would rather spend time with them then get them a present. Memories are what last forever!
That’s so true Lisa! It helps if you’re firm on your budget and don’t give to many! 😄